200 Likes and I’ll Love Myself

Published 02/16/2016 by Lola Nova

200LikesAndI'llLoveMyselfThe internet is the root of my insecurity. Feeling ugly because I don’t look like Instagram models, but mostly unimportant because I’m not getting invited to the same events as everyone else is a result of letting social media control my thoughts. The internet is constantly telling me what I don’t have and who I wish I looked like. It’s absolute torture and I am constantly trying to catch up with people for the wrong reasons. I determine by success and importance by the number of likes and followers I have. I allow the Instagram to dictate if I have value. I look to the zombies of the world wide web to validate my importance. If my artwork doesn’t have 200 likes, is art even a realistic career path? If I don’t have 10 comments complimenting me on my selfies, am I really pretty?

I know these ideas are stupid and unreasonable. I shouldn’t let a shallow platform decide if my existence matters. But it’s so easy to get addicted to a space that you see others getting noticed and praised on. I see my friends being discovered and their career taking off. I try everything to get the same chance but holding on to who I really am seems to ruin it. I want to have a feed that fulfills my kitschy aesthetic but I don’t want to lose 10 followers for it. I want to be liked, like many people. I want to be noticed. I try to tell myself: it doesn’t matter how many people know you, what matters is who knows you. But seeing the constant pattern of Mention-on-Dazed.com worthy artists with ten thousand followers makes me wonder if I’m doing something wrong…

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